Why is this so difficult?

Text conversation that just took place:

me: “If you don’t have plans you should come see me tomorrow nighttt”
(Yeah, you caught me, I end words with a bunch of letters instead of using punctuation marks sometimes)

him: “Oh yeah? what did you have in mind”

me: “I don’t know haha thinking maybe a movie nightttt”

him: “Oh yeahhh? your place?”

me: “works for meeeeee :)”

him: “You gotta stop asking the day before haha me and Matt (best friend) plan quite a few days ahead! But yeah I’m sure I can come down”

…..

No. Don’t. Don’t you dare make me feel like a second best option, or worse, like an obligation. You either want to see me, (which you should because we’ve barely seen each other in the last month and you know I’m going to be away next weekend so if we don’t do something tomorrow night, you won’t see me until July), or you don’t.

Don’t you dare make me feel bad for asking the day before when just this afternoon, I asked what your plans were for the weekend and you said you didn’t have any except for Father’s Day stuff on Sunday. So I’m sorry, please, tell me what your big plans are with the guys for tomorrow night. Getting high? Playing video games? Fine. If that’s how you’d rather spend your night, go ahead.

I am really, really trying here, and you are making it so, so difficult. Should it be this hard? You know why I wanted you to come over tomorrow night? It was because I thought I was finally ready to make things official, to commit. And now? Now I’m second guessing everything all over again. I really like you, and I really want to give this a shot, but I can’t be made to feel like second best all the time. The guys can’t always take priority over me. Guess what? Sometimes I need to feel like I’m your priority. I didn’t think that was too much to ask.

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