It’s normal to spend Friday nights like this, right?

No? It’s not? You mean most 23 year olds are out doing things and having fun instead of drinking wine and crying alone on Friday nights? Wow, what a novel idea. Maybe I’ll try it sometime.

But for now, at least for tonight, this is how I’m spending my night. Texting my would-be boyfriend about how each of us is spending our nights and weekends (me: watching Lost and famjams, him: guys’ night and dad time) and my best friend about how/why I’m not hanging out with him tonight, and fighting back tears almost every time either of them sends me anything because it always reminds me that either I could/would/should be spending the night with him, or that I need to decide whether or not I want to be with him.

So, the million dollar question of the night is: do I want to be with him? Do I want to do this for the next x number of  weeks/months/years? Yeah, I mean he did apologize profusely and obviously felt bad today but that doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, he still chose them over me. Sure, I told him not to worry about it, but is it totally wrong of me to want him to fight it at least a little bit? I mean, he knows I’m away tomorrow night and busy all next weekend so would it really have been the end of the world to switch guys night to tomorrow night instead, even if it was a little last minute?

What do you do when you really, really, really like someone, but aren’t sure if things will work out? Especially when that someone is your best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend?

Talk about adding pressure on to an already commitment phobic person’s shoulders about getting into a relationship.


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