I thought I was doing great. I really, truly thought that I was over it, that I was over him. I thought my heart had started to heal. And then I logged on to Facebook to see that dreaded status update: he is in a relationship with someone else. All of a sudden, my heart was in my throat, my hands were shaking and tears were welling up in my eyes.
My first thought was “who is she?” Okay, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t quite so polite. I’m not proud to say that my first thought was actually more along the lines of, “Who the f*ck is this b*tch?” But what I really meant was, “Why her?” What makes her better than me?
We dated for 6 months before he decided that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. It’s been three months and now I guess he’s ready. So why her? What is it about her that made you want to be in a relationship when you didn’t with me? Was I just somebody that you knew you could hook up with for a while without getting attached? Was I just a way to kill time until you found someone you actually wanted to be with?
I’m sure I’ll never know the answers to these questions, and I probably don’t really want to anyway, but it hurts to know that I wasn’t enough for him. And I know that I’ll be fine again and that I’ll get over him for real eventually, but that doesn’t change the fact that it feels like my heart is breaking all over again.